Got Your Back? Un/Conventional Support Systems & Letting Our SPIRIT SPEAK

Got Your Back? Un/Conventional Support Systems & Letting Our SPIRIT SPEAK

by | May 1, 2023 | Coaching & Support

Imposter syndrome is a reality for many of us and since starting Spiral Path at the start of 2021, it has surprised me many times by sneaking in and undermining me before I’ve even become aware of its presence. This has led me to understand the real importance of support systems. We’re going to look at the advice of mentors and like-minded folks, as well as spiritual support and acceptance as a part of this.

Recently I was feeling very stuck with something in my business. I realised I had unwittingly created a narrative about how I expected it to unfold and when it didn’t, I simply didn’t know what to do. I sought a range of advice and I got more than I bargained for! I didn’t just get an answer about how to move ahead, I received the realisation that the narrative, the plan I’d created for a particular offering wasn’t based on anything other than replicating what I had seen others do. I was so shocked when someone questioned why I was fighting so hard to make something work when, as they suggested, it could just run in a different way! A different way!? Why hadn’t I seen it?

On top of that, another source I turned to for help gave me some advice that was just so far from who I am and what Spiral Path is about, I started to doubt myself. If this professional business advisor was suggesting something so alien to me, surely I’m at fault?! Thankfully, after some rest and encouragement I came to see the huge difference between advice given by like-minded people versus conventional support. Those with a similar approach to business were just as grossed out by the tone of the suggestion as I was, soothing my worries and giving me the courage to ignore the suggestion. There is so much vulnerability in being an anti-capitalist small business owner with no business experience! I realised I’d given allot of weight to this advisor due to their job role, but in actuality, this did not translate to knowing me and my business, therefore it was down to ME which piece of their advice I take on, and which I release. Phew, what a relief!

Support systems can bring us realisations and relief and can look like any number of things. Perhaps it’s self-soothing methods to bring some space and perspective. Perhaps it’s a trusted friend helping you with the figures (what a legend!). For me in the case above, once the suggestion had been made by a friend that I could totally change the method I was trying (and failing) to use to deliver my BLOOM BLOCK offering, I knew I need my most trusted tool – the pros vs cons list. It may not strike you as cutting edge business planning, but I promise it’s not something to take for granted. When I started to think about my need to talk to you all about these themes and drew together some of the threads around it, I arrived at the insight that whenever I’ve done a pros vs cons list in the past, I actually knew beforehand what I had chosen, but I needed to put it down on paper so I could give myself permission to go with what my intuition was already shouting at me. Do you have any methods for allowing your inner voice to tell you what it already knows?

This realisation led me to bring in my spiritual support systems. I understood how in my spiritual life I’ve been open for many years to being led by my intuition and guides (did you know Spiral Path was a concept given to me by one of my deity? You can’t ignore something like that!) So why haven’t I been open to that with the running of my business? But when I made that list to decide if I should overhaul the BLOOM BLOCK process, it was my intuition, not my rational thinking that told me what was right. This type of planning then allows me to be value-led rather than disempowering myself by simply following others as I had been doing. So, moving forward, it’s exciting to see where my intuition might take Spiral Path now I’ve given it the reins.

And this leaning into acceptance is not just about giving space for my intuition to speak. I had a hot minute there, after accepting what the list was confirming, telling myself that to make a u-turn is not a failure! I’m not a politician after all! I probably blocked out my inner voice to try lessen the imposter syndrome, but if my business is truly heart-led, I need to create space for my heart to speak, as well as listen to those who understand my values and spirit.

Do you have people like this you can turn to? Do you use spiritual support systems? I’d love to hear. These questions are the reason why I started Labyrinth Life Coaching. I had never been able to find someone I could go to for support who shared my radical values. LLC provides radical support because we all live in a world where oppression and marginalisation shape us. To try to create change without acknowledging that is unfair, just as unfair as putting the emphasis on personal change only when it is system change that is so desperately needed too.

I’m so pleased to say that the full range of LLC offerings is now available to help you on your path. SEED SESSION gives you a potent one-off session to explore your goals and dreams through the body. BLOOM BLOCK is a 3 month coaching deep dive where we can form a plan and smash your barriers (and yes, I stopped trying to make the waiting list work and, thanks to some excellent advice, you can now start whenever is right for you!) and SPIRIT SPEAK is a one-shot of spiritual advice.

It’s my job to be part of your support system as we walk the labyrinth path together, deep into the heart of who you are, what your values are, what your hopes and dreams are and what your intuition is trying to tell you about them. This is the support I always dreamed of, and now it’s my honour to hold space for you. With radical coaching, personalised tools and your commitment coupled with my support, we can change your path.

NEW YEAR, SAME ME! Resolutions, Vs Goals & Avoiding Toxic Expectations

NEW YEAR, SAME ME! Resolutions, Vs Goals & Avoiding Toxic Expectations

by | Jan 1, 2023 | Seasonal Living

Maybe you love resolutions and write a long list every year? Or maybe you find them oppressive or unhelpful? Either way it’s the same every year isn’t it? The toxic beauty standards and unrealistic, often ableist pressures come out in full force in the form of expected New Year’s Resolutions.

 

Sadly such resolutions can damage our confidence but also often set us up for failure too. We’re encouraged to express grand aspirations such as ‘I want to be healthy, I want to change career, I will stop smoking’ etc, that reinforce societal norms. The problem is, the types of new year’s resolutions we are often expected to take on are heavily shaped by living in a fat-phobic, ageist and productivity driven culture, that exists to profit from our insecurities. If the pressure tied up with resolutions is bad for your health or wellbeing, leave them behind. But what are the alternatives?

 

Off the bat it’s absolutely worth stating that not everyone wants to change and that is a beautiful thing. Cultivating gratitude and acceptance is just as important as striving to change. To my mind, resolutions often seek to distance us from who we are, whereas goals can bring clarity, confidence and  empowerment. There are such powerful forces at work that aim to undermine us and always be seeking more, seeking the new, that to sit with acceptance is a radical act, so please don’t see this text as a further call to change unless it’s wanted. Goals aren’t for everyone, but if you think they may work as well for you as they have for me, read on.
 
Goals are for life, not just for New Year! The Gregorian calendar doesn’t reflect the shift into a new life cycle. We’re still in deep Winter, meaning for many it’s the worst time of the year to think ahead, to plan and be aspirational. Much of my work encourages folks to lean into Winter for rest and inner exploration, and that certainly doesn’t end at the stroke of midnight, New Year’s Eve! Thankfully though, we can use Winter’s embrace to dream into the dark, to reflect, to incubate our hopes and plans if we wish. If the Gregorian New Year doesn’t speak to you as a time to set goals, here’s your permission to wait until it does. Resolutions promote going with the majority and that our hopes reflect societal expectations, but it is well considered, personalised goals, made at the right time and regularly revisited that help us create change that is for us, based on our needs and not others values! 
 
For those seeking development at the opening of the year, one positive thing about resolutions is that they show us our desires and the version of ourselves we want to be. But that image of ourselves can also be a projection of who we think we should be, or who we think others want us to be, so be careful there. This falsity is another reason why resolutions can be toxic. But we can gently dream into that self and use small, loving and realistic steps to integrate our vision.
 
Resolutions are absolutely tools of capitalism and colonialism. For one thing, unobtainable resolutions are often based on an inherent view of our bodies as machines, a perception based on enslavement. In this white supremisist, ableist view, the onus is simply on us to try harder, push further and expect nothing less than constant improvement. This also relates to the systemic disconnection from our bodies and from nature. If we can better accept and embrace the animal nature of our bodies, it releases some of the intense pressures we place on our bodies, both individually and culturally, but also helps us recognize our place as A PART of nature, not APART FROM it.
 
The New Year is a peak moment for big business to grab us and key into our biggest fears and insecurities. The 2022 global beauty industry was worth over £395 BILLION (Statista) and it’s worth a reminder that this money is invested in targeting you, yes you, and everyone around you, and often we’re not as immune to those pressures and we might hope and expect. New Year provides the biggest point of the year for companies to undermine our self-confidence, and it can be a tough thing to fight against.
 
Goals offer us a better way than resolutions to truly create realistic, self-loving and lasting change in our lives. But here’s the rub, in order to be effective we need to work at our goals. Afterall it’s a capitalist mindset that tells us we can have instant results if we simply part with some cash or craft an illusion of change.
 
As well as being something to work at, we need to put more time and thought into the goals we create if we really want to see them through. One way of framing that is SMART goals. Now I hate acronyms, so if you do too, bare with me… SMART goals are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound. Now if you want to geek out about this you could start here: https://www.founderjar.com/smart-goals, but the general point I want to make here is that you will be doing yourself a huge favour if you get really specific on what you’re aiming for, know what achieving it looks like, deeply accept what is within your reach and, ideally, give yourself a deadline to achieve it, or at least start the first steps. There’s some nice tips on alternative systems here: https://www.blog.doist.com/unconventional-goal-setting.
 
So this may sound restrictive, but honestly getting into these kinds of details about the change you want to make, gives your a better chance of getting to where you want to be. Also, to me, working towards my future in this way is an act of self-love. It’s empowering and I know I’m working towards realistic change rather than increasing the chances of either knocking my confidence or setting goals based on societal expectations over my own beautiful liberatory dreams.
 
But this is just one system and, as with all things you know yourself best, you know how your mind works, where your capacity is at and what works for you better than anyone else does. So whatever means you can use to create goals you feel are realistic, try it, experiment. The one-size-fits-all approach to resolutions is another reason they fail.
 
My advice here would be, try to check in with your dreams and goals regularly, when you have the spoons, and ask yourself repeatedly, what’s the next/easiest/smallest step I can take in the right direction? And remember, sometimes the best step is to rest, stop, step back, dream and allow your vision time to emerge and your body time to feel into the path ahead.
 
Lastly, it’s vital I add a note about marginalisation, oppression and goals. In my new service, Labyrinth Life Coaching (launching early 2023), I’ve expressly stated it is a radical coaching offering. This is because life coaching, like resolutions, often ignores the impact of marginalisation on our hopes, dreams and expectations. Dreaming is a beautiful and radical act and is so important to help us move forward in ways right for us, but if we set goals for our lives without acknowledging our current limitations, the societal pressures  and oppressions pressing on us (whether internalised, external or often both), we’re not being self-loving, we’re being restricted. The onus can’t all be on us to create great change, not when the system is set up to keep us small and what we really need is radical community care to enable us ALL to grow and thrive. For marginalised folks particularly, the odds are stacked against us, and we often have to seek healing and support from ourselves, families and communities when it should be a right for all, but in acknowledging our current needs and boundaries, hopefully with the help of our communities and support systems, we can find ways to reach beyond our blocks and so step closer to our true selves (with the added bonus of giving that which seeks to bind us, the middle finger!).

 

The take home points about goal setting are:

Start with the lowest possible expectations, you can always increase and alter goals.

Be kind to yourself (don’t set damaging goals, try to create self-loving goals instead)

Always seek to do what is right for you

 

 

Have a great year ahead!